Things not to say to a cop when you're pulled over...

I only had one officer Mr. Keg..

Back off Barney, I've got a piece.

Want to race to the station, Sparky?

I know I was weaving, but I can't find the Honeycomb Hideout!

On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack.

You'll never get those cuffs on me...You *****!

Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!

Hey, wasn't your daughter a pork queen?

How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.

Hey officer, is that your nightstick or are you just glad to see me?

I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!

Yeah you can see my license and registration, officer, but could you hold my beer for a minute?

Hey, you must've been doing' about 125mph (200km/h) to keep up with me! Good job!

Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer.

Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?

You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

"Bad Cop! No Donut!"

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are cars around, that's how far I am behind the other cars.

You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?

"Lets do it different this time... I will give you the breathalyzer test, now stick this in your mouth and blow"

Didn't I see you get your *** kicked on "COPS" last week on TV?

Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture next to my girlfriend's bed.

I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket

So, uh, you "on the take", or what?

Gee, officer! That's terrific. The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!

Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.

So, are you still crabby because your mamma didn't let you play with your gun when you were little?

Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.

When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile for the video camcorder.

Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

Hey, you look like that girl I ****ed a few days ago...

Aren't you one of the Village People?

 

Aren't you one of the Village People?

I love that one, I actually even said it to a piggy before too

 

Those are a couple of my favorites......a co-worker was pulled over a couple of months ago and after being told why he was pulled over (illegal lane change), he responded "Don't you think that's kind of PETTY???"

It did not go well.

 

i had a cop ask me if i had any drugs, weapons, or dead bodies.

My reply was "none that i know of" with a little chuckle

That got me into some trouble, won't be saying that again

 

Didn't I see you get your *** kicked on "COPS" last week on TV?

my ****ing god thats so funny

yeah piggys can suck my susage

if a piggy pulls you over and says, do you know why I pulled you over

and you reply yes, and state the reason, you just admitted to breaking a law, and are ****ed if you wanna fight in it, I learned it on flexyourrights.com or something to that affect

 

Never ever say:
Your wife is a great f*@k and she gives a good b/j as well.

That'll get you into trouble as well.

When I was younger, I hung around this small town and went to a party one night and the police chief's 2 daughters were there. (They were both gorgeous and yummy looking)
One of the daughters asked me out and for a ride home, and I had to say no (although it hurt me like crazy! I'm telling you it almost killed me!). I told her that if her father ever found out I would probably be a dead man. You see, her father knew me and I had spoken to him before about the conduct of his officers towards me. His reply was "if you don't like it, don't come to this town anymore".

 

Alright, I have the best story or what not to say to cops, well, boarder patrol, but still.

So, two years ago a bunch of us were going to the Detroit auto show and a couplea four other guys whom no one liked kinda invited themselves and tagged along. Well, we made them all go in one car and we took another one. When we got the boarder (canada) in Niagra Falls the dude asked us if we had any drugs or anything, the kid that was driving very seriously replied "No, but the guys in the car behind us have coke stuffed in their asses." Well, he told us to get going and as soon as we pulled up 4 armed guys escorted the other car to the side of the road and started to search all their ****. No cavity searches though.

It was also snowing like mother at this point too and the kid I was with started doing doughnuts right in the customs parking lot. I was pretty sure we were spending a night in a Canadian jail.

 

lmao, soon as I read that line I laughed, man thats some funny ****

 

haha..these were great, i wouldent say ^^ that one tho..might get u shot lol

 

Did you end up having to stay? I spent a night in Canadian Jail, and it aint fun. I can tell you that its a LOT worse than the jails here in the U.S. hahaha



"Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes! "

^Thats my favorite.