Damn, where do I start...

My mom broke up with the man she was seeing right before i went to Thailand. She was with him for about three years. I wont get into any details but things just got stale and she decided she wasnt happy any more and she decided they should split. She wanted to swear off men for a little while and get herself on track and decide what she needed to do. About the middle of my stay, her brother passed away in a boating accident. My whole family has been really broken up about his and my mom just felt like she needed someone and somehow ended up dating one of her friends sons....the dude is 23 and she is 40. My mom went on for years saying how much she hates men that drink and smoke...he's a drunk and smokes like its keeping him alive. Our house and her car stink like smoke. He gets drunk every night and talks to my mom like she's a piece of crap. They broke up last night, he showed up here at 11pm and wanted to talk to my mom. The longer he stayed the more pissed I got so I just left. One of us would have got an *** kicking if I would have stayed longer. I've never really given him a chance, I have talked to him once in three months and really dont like the idea of being within a 100ft radius of him, much less sitting down and talking to him. Apparently they patched things up and my mom pretty much begged me to give him a chance and hang out with him and talk one night. I say shes a grown damn woman and doesnt need my approval as to who she's seeing, but I dont want anything to do with him. To me, he's a drunk deadbeat with no house, no car, a crappy job, and nothing to offer my mom as far as a future goes but for some reason she cares a lot about him. Should I actually give him a shot?

 

Hell friggin no if it's the way you say it is. And I don't mean that you should fight him or anything, but I wouldn't give my blessing to a SOB like that and I would make his life living hell...(firecrackers in cigarettes work very well on smokers, trust me)

 

Reminds me of a time my mom was dating a coke head loser. I made it known to him I didnt want him around, so did my brother, the guy ended up leaving and not coming back. Trust your gut feeling. You are just protecting your mom.

 

I was totally lost through the whole story...anyway, no dont give him a shot. You know the saying, dont judge a book by its cover? Well sometimes that saying isn't always true. Mywifes dad is a drunk, not as much anymore because he was diagnosed with some kind of problem with his dilly, so he cut back on smoking and drinking like crazy which is amazing. I dont mean to harp on my wifes father, but the guy is a loser. His wife works more than he does, he had a 2 year college education and then dropped out as a manager at pizza hut, and his mom doesnt deserve the crap. Trust your gut feeling because theres no question that what you do to get rid of him, you wont regret. Ive read a lot of books about pleasing a woman, but never really understood their state of mind, we are from Mars they are from Venus, its just how it is and always will be. The reason why your mom cares so much for this deadbeat is because her brother died, and she needs someone to comfort her and to know someone is there. Unfortunetly now, she doesnt have that besides this loser so she feels she has to stay because she needs someone right now. You could tell the dude to take a hike, it could make things worse between your mother and his relationship, seeing how you arnt home right now, or he could actually leave, but I doubt it. Or you could work on finding your mom someone new, someone you feel would give her everything she wants, or just talk to her about it. Goodluck man

 

- you should feel how you feel, I would be confused, angry, and hurt. Take some time for yourself, remove yourself from the situation if you can and think things through. Spend time talking to friends.When I act out on my feelings I always end up doing something I regret. she'll always be your mom and mom's make mistakes too.

 

I've talked to my mom a lot about this. One night she's had enough and the next she's forgiving him and begging me to talk to him. When they're fighting she complains about how much of a loser he is. I wish she'd just listen to herself. Oh, Koshak...I'm home now. If she needs someone to talk to I'm here all the time. She is a teacher and keeps kids at our house between school and when their parents come home. As soon as 5:30 rolls around she's off like a shot. I cant count the times shes came home with tears in her eyes either from his bullsh!tor the cigarette smoke. I just want to stay away from him, I want nothing to do with him.

 

Drink all of his alcohol and toss the cigs away, that outta get him runnin. If he blames it on you just say the house eats stuff

 

I'm really at a loss now, I dont know what to do about it. She is doing like she was before and just stays over with him every day. I'd really enjoy hurting him right now, because I know things are going to be ust the same as they were before between them and mom is just gonna get hurt again. Whatever... I'm sick of worrying about it

 

That sucks. Your mom may believe that she can change him and perhaps that is the reason why she stays with him. If this is hard on you, can you move out? You should not put up with this and mothers should never put anyone above their children welfare. If he does anything illegal, call the cops and get him out. It’s your home and its your right to have a place to call home with peace and dignity.

 

Your mom is just trying to get past the pain. She thinks this younger guy will help her, and it probably even just makes her feel younger. And obviously is gives her a sense of security. I would just keep talking to her and telling her you don't want him around.