Have searched this issue to death with little results; my intermittent wipers only work if the headlights are on, same goes for the seatbelt and key chime (I can live without the chime however).

Is it safe to say the wiper switch can be ruled out since it does function properly when the headlights are on?

I'm leaning towards a bad ground/or an open wire. Not confident with electrical in any shape/form/fashion.

 

Welcome.

A common link to all of the problem functions is the Integrated Control Unit.

To see what shakes out, perform the electrical input tests in the diagrams below with the headlights ON versus OFF. Post results if you want feedback.

 

Excellent, thanks. The ICU is one thing that never popped up via a search no matter what site, or criteria I used. Will see what happens and post up results when I get a chance.

 

Are there any kind of aftermarket electrical things done to the car? Alarm systems, halo's remote start?

 

Nada, a new head unit, but this issue was around before that.

 

Ok that makes it a little easier. You don;t have to worry about any poor connections or bad wiring. See what happens with the input tests.

 

I wish I would've tackled it last week when it was +14C instead of -20C, thanks for the tips guys.

 

Took the lower dash and knee bolster off yesterday in hopes of getting things fixed in the half hour I had after work, and before my daughter gets up from her nap. Began removing all the connectors on the fuse box so I could get it out (there's NO slack in any of the harnesses), ran out of time, and connected wires back up. I could've gotten it done but one connector was very, very stubborn.

More of a PITA than I had envisioned. Hopefully get it done today.

 

ICU checks out fine, the issue still persists. Without cracking open any of the loom on the harness the wires looked to be in good condition. One thing I did notice was one of the wires coming off the connector that goes into the ICU has a small brown connector on the end that doesn't attach to anything; I'm assuming this is just an obsolete wire that feeds some option I don't have on my DX?

 

If all the ICU input tests are fine with the headlights ON or OFF, then the ICU itself is probably bad. Another possibility is a faulty under-dash fuse/relay box.