Yeh, a CLASSIC!

 

"The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled."

 

A guy walked up to me and asked me what punk is. I kicked over a garbage can and said, thats punk. He then also kicked over another garbage can and asked thats punk? I said no, thats trendy

 

Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late.
-- John Alexander Thom

 

"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck." -George Carlin

 

"Hey guys.......big gulps huh??..........Well, See ya later?" -dumb and dumber



"I feel bad for people who done drink, because when they wake up, thats the best theyre going to feel all day" -Frank Sinatra


"If absolutely nothing can go wrong, something will" -Murpheys law.

 

I only support gay marriage -if both chicks are HOT

if it involves meatloaf & a plunger --DONT DO IT

be one with the couch

 

The Human Torch was denied a bank loan.
--Ron Burgundy

This is not only delicious, it's citrilicious!! (He was talking about a drink.. and he was stoned lol)
--Jacob Foster

I love lamp.

Mitch Hedberg Says:

*This one time I was in a convenience store, and a guy came up and asked me, "Whats the score?" and I said, "What is the game? If it's a competition between me and you, and the object is to ask the other guy questions he doesn't give a **** about, then you are winning, one to nothing."

*Tortillas are sleeping bags for ground beef.

*Every time I go and shave, I assume there is somebody else on the planet shaving as well, so I say "I'm gonna go shave too."

*I wrote a letter to my dad I wanted to write, "I really enjoy being here," but I accidentally wrote "rarely" instead of "really". But I still wanted to use it, I didn't want to cross it out, so I wrote, "I rarely... drive steamboats, Dad, there's a lot of **** you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator. This letter took a harsh turn right away. Hello, Dad."
--*Mitch Hedberg
(24 February 1968 - 30 March 2005) R.I.P.

 

Mitch Hedberg is one of the greatest comedians of all time, i loved his style. Heres another...


"I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl.....who would get really mad.....if she heard me say that"

 

lol, yeah... he was great... I wish I would have gotten the chance to see him in person before he passed away. What a shame. My girlfriend cried... when she found out...

but n-e-ways___I have just now found out how great Dane Cook is! everybody should go check him out. buy a CD, he just came out with one called Retalliation--its the $hit!!! I'll post some quotes of his ASAP.