I know this is no doctor phil website, but last night my girlfriends ex, well not ex, they werent dating. Anyway, he was becically the controlling type that would have many girls at a time while tricking them that they were the only one. He did it to my girlfriend, he tricked her and she fell for it and liked him, etc. Lost virginity to him, did stuff. Well he used her and cheated on her and left her in the gutter about a week after she gave her virginity up. Anyway...he died last night driving drunk on a motorcycle, my problem is...I heard this from my brother when me and my girlfriend were in church. At the time..she seemed happy and looked up to heaven and said "thank you god." Now...its completely opposite. What i think is she is faking it to make me feel good because I hate him, and feel no sympothy whatsoever to this loser, I know it might sound even but, Im happy...I think our relationship will be better. Recently he spread a rumor about her sending pics to himwith her doing stuff in them. And now thats all over the place, this kid is about 20 years old by the way messing with a 17 year olds life. Well its a false rumor, but when they were....whatever you call it, wasnt dating, "hooking up" she did used to send him pics. Which he still had on his phone and sent around to a bunch of friends. So now a bunch of 19 20 year olds has pics of my 17 year old girlfriend, yea its dandy. What im saying is...I dont feel sympothy or the least bit sad, I dont know why she is, and it bothers me to think she cares about another guy. I just dont know what to think about it, the kid is a loser and life is better off. Its hard for me to comfort her because I dont want her to cry about it because it bothers me, so right now I feel really bad about that and I feel like im a terrible boyfriend. Am I just completely evil or would u feel the same way

 

Well if it was me I'd say " he had it coming", guys like this make it hard for nicer/normal guys to be with alot of women because we have to spend our time "fixing" the problems that the last guy caused (I know i had to do it with my ex when we first started dating).....

But if you truly want to know how she feels about him passing on or not, just sit her down one day and ask her simply "how do you feel?" Now before you ask her remind her of how you feel about her, how important she is and that being truthful is better than trying to make you feel better. Now the kicker is YOU have to be willing to accept that she might still hold a flame for this guy (my ex still wanted to be friends and talk to her ex even after we started dating and his possesive nature was becoming a major issue because she didn't want to hurt him) but the simple thing to do is remind yourself of one thing, she's with you, it sounds like she's alot happier with you and in the end there's not much you can do so it's really not worth freaking out over. Over time her feelings for this guy (if she still has good ones) will fade away... but as I said, there's little you can really do to change her feelings so I'd not kill yourself over the idea....

 

- you should feel how you feel, just don't act out or make decisions based on feelings, think

 

I agree with everything you said. The problem is she supposedly never said to anyone she was with she loved them, it was only with me. She said it was "a teenage crush" and what I have for you is completely different. Yea thats nice to hear and all but, the fact she says "well I kinda care that hes gone" is kind of like saying, "i miss him and I care about him." Do you know what I mean? and its hard to except that reality. Because hearing she cares that hes gone is besically saying, well...she cares about him. And its just kind of hard for me to hear that and still hold her and comfort her, I ended up just saying "alright well it seems you need your time" and left the house. I just feel like im the bad guy, and she just doesnt understand why Im acting like this, I just hate the kid for what he did to her, hes a loser that went through 400 minimal wage jobs and dropped out of community college, sh*t happens for a reason, life goes on. Now why cant I just let it go, what am I supposed to feel differently?

 

Well you think about how baddly you hate him and how it's unbearable that at some rate she feels anything about him....... As I said, the only thing you can really do is remind yourself of who she's with now and that in the end it's not worth freaking out over something like this..... I do understand how you feel tho, I heard alot of things about what my ex did with her ex that she'd not do with me because of some cheap excuse, I freaked out and it only made things worse in our already failing relationship. I've got no simple answer because there is no simple answer...

 

Im just real depressed about the whole thing, not about him I could care less, mostly about the way she feels and what I cant do and why Im acting the way I am and show no remorse whatsoever. Everyone keeps talking about it and I just want it to go away, everyday theres always something to remind me about her past which bothers the hell out of me. Now the problem im having is she is probly going to the funeral and sh*t where a lot of his friends are going to be at, and thats her past all over again. And i just feel really uncomfortable about the whole thing

 

And you should sit her down and talk to her about how you feel involving the matter, let her know exactly how you feel and that should show her exactly how you're thinking and why you're acting how you are....... beyond that it's out of your hands...

 

How old are you man. This is crazy, you talk about your 17 year old girlfreind. In the other thread you talk about her cheating on you with a 18 year old guy when she was 14.

 

18, shes about 3 months younger than me. That was my ex when I was 14, completely different person im dating now, you just got confused