Things not o say to a cop
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 531
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RE: Things not o say to a cop
I can't believe you forgot the best one:
when the officer asks "son, your eyes look shot, have you been drinking?" it's probably not a good idea to respond "Officer, your eyes look glazed, have you been eating donuts?"
when the officer asks "son, your eyes look shot, have you been drinking?" it's probably not a good idea to respond "Officer, your eyes look glazed, have you been eating donuts?"
HCF Member
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 4,371
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RE: Things not o say to a cop
i went into Barnes & Nobles tonight with my former coworker, who also drives a civic, and we saw two cop cars out front (illegally-parked, of course) and I started to laugh.
my friend wondered if the place got robbed. I said they're probably inside drinking coffee and eating donuts.
sure 'nuff, we walk inside and we see two typical-looking cops kicked back eatin' pastries and drinkin' coffee and flirtin' with the under-aged girls...
I BUSTED out laffin' and started sayin' BACON! BACON! I SMAYELL BAAAACON!!!1
my friend wondered if the place got robbed. I said they're probably inside drinking coffee and eating donuts.
sure 'nuff, we walk inside and we see two typical-looking cops kicked back eatin' pastries and drinkin' coffee and flirtin' with the under-aged girls...
I BUSTED out laffin' and started sayin' BACON! BACON! I SMAYELL BAAAACON!!!1
HCF Member
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 402
From: Arkansas
RE: Things not o say to a cop
Ok, this happened a few years back but I remember it like it was yesterday. I was out on the US 20 Bypass, it a stretch of road that connects my town to a bigger town about 30 miles away. Well I just happen to be trying to the other town as fast as possible. The inevitable happened and I had been caught by a speed trap. I get flagged down and pull over and here's how the scenario went.
Cop: ran up to passenger side window
Me: rolled down passenger side window
Cop: looks at me red-faced and yells "DO YOU KNOW HOW FAST YOU WERE GOING SON?"
Me: "No officer, my speedometer only goes up to 85."
Cop: "You know I should drag your sorry a$$ off to jail you know that?"
Cop: turns and walks to his cruiser
Cop: comes back and gives me a ticket then asks "You think you can drive away sanely?"
Me: With a salute I said "Yes sir, I believe I can."
Mind you that was in a '86 Calais Supreme.
Cop: ran up to passenger side window
Me: rolled down passenger side window
Cop: looks at me red-faced and yells "DO YOU KNOW HOW FAST YOU WERE GOING SON?"
Me: "No officer, my speedometer only goes up to 85."
Cop: "You know I should drag your sorry a$$ off to jail you know that?"
Cop: turns and walks to his cruiser
Cop: comes back and gives me a ticket then asks "You think you can drive away sanely?"
Me: With a salute I said "Yes sir, I believe I can."
Mind you that was in a '86 Calais Supreme.
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 192
RE: Things not o say to a cop
This story is via a buddy of mine.
So, years ago when they were in highschool, my buddy and about 6 or 7 of his friends were sitting on a curb in Queens, NY smoking a fat blunt. The blunt goes around a few times until a cop on his beat walks up and says, "Ok kids, I cought you smoking pot and I'm going to have to write you all up. I'm going to have to take down your names." So, of course, all of these kids are baked and panicked like, "Oh my god I'm in so much trouble I'm totally freaking out I'm way to high to have to deal with the cops oh my god oh my god." So, needless to say, the cop has a hard time coaxing the names and addresses out of all of these kids. I mean, it takes forever and one kid even starts to cry! So, after 25 freaking minutes, the cop gets to the last kid. I mean, this took forever and he's used up the last few pages of his notebook, writing all up in the margins and on the backs of pages and sh*t. This last kid is a skinny little lightweight and he's completely baked. He's all squinty eyed and swaying and grinning to himself. The cop looks at this kid, dying to finish up and go do something else, and says "What's your name, son?" And this kid, so high he's in another world squints up at the cop and replies with an enthusiastic smile,
"Rumplestiltskin, man!"
The cop just cracks up. I mean, he f**king dies. The guy laughs so hard he has to sit down in the middle of the street! When he finally gets his breath back, he lets them all go with a warning.
So, years ago when they were in highschool, my buddy and about 6 or 7 of his friends were sitting on a curb in Queens, NY smoking a fat blunt. The blunt goes around a few times until a cop on his beat walks up and says, "Ok kids, I cought you smoking pot and I'm going to have to write you all up. I'm going to have to take down your names." So, of course, all of these kids are baked and panicked like, "Oh my god I'm in so much trouble I'm totally freaking out I'm way to high to have to deal with the cops oh my god oh my god." So, needless to say, the cop has a hard time coaxing the names and addresses out of all of these kids. I mean, it takes forever and one kid even starts to cry! So, after 25 freaking minutes, the cop gets to the last kid. I mean, this took forever and he's used up the last few pages of his notebook, writing all up in the margins and on the backs of pages and sh*t. This last kid is a skinny little lightweight and he's completely baked. He's all squinty eyed and swaying and grinning to himself. The cop looks at this kid, dying to finish up and go do something else, and says "What's your name, son?" And this kid, so high he's in another world squints up at the cop and replies with an enthusiastic smile,
"Rumplestiltskin, man!"
The cop just cracks up. I mean, he f**king dies. The guy laughs so hard he has to sit down in the middle of the street! When he finally gets his breath back, he lets them all go with a warning.