When an envelope for a card doesn't have enough glue on it. I couldn't just get a new one since it was a birthday card from a store that has a green envelope to match the color scheme. I swear I licked it once, tried to seal it and it didn't stick! wtf??? Now I have to use some tape and make me look like a 5 year old who doesn't know how to seal an envelope properly.

 

The god damn flies that keep buzzing around my house. It's not cool either that I cannot find 1 effin fly swatter in my house, and they are too quick to get with my hands.

 

 

I'd rather see a new rider on a 100hp 600 than a liter bike sitting at d*mn near 200. Actually, I'd rather see them on 250's or 500's, but we all know everyone's too cool for that. I'll be honest, I started on a 600 because I found my F4i in mint condition for a decent deal. That and I have a thing for split seats. Banana seats just don't look as good.

And yup... chicks can't see your face when you have a helmet on, so all the jocks can't possibly be seen with a helmet on; how else will they pick up random easy girls? I mean, we all know the only reason to buy a supersport is to pick up chicks. I mean, it's not like they're extremely fun to ride, and it's not like riding that perfect line through the twisties is zen-like or anything

-People that say it's too hot out to ride with gear on. You know what... I'll take a little sweat in my leathers over potential road rash or worse. My jacket literally weighs 10 lbs; it gets hot as f*ck when I'm at a light. But you know what? I've had the pleasure of re-growing most of the skin on my right arm once; I'd rather not do it again. Besides, leathers and a helmet look cooler than your stupid sandals, khaki shorts, and hollister t-shirt.

-People that ask me "Aren't you hot wearing all that gear?" Nope, sh*t's air-conditioned. Of course I'm f*cking hot wearing all this sh*t, but please refer to my last short rant for the reason I'm wearing it.

-"That your bike?" Nope, I just found it in a dumpster on the way over here along with this riding gear and decided to ride it.

-"Do a wheelie!" Do a backflip.

-When you walk into a store wearing your leathers (and helmet, if I don't anticipate being in there long) and the inevitable question comes up from someone who doesn't think before speaking... "You ride a motorcycle?" Nope, drove here in my car. I just like to make sure I'm safe in case of an accident.

-That Honda dealerships don't feel it's necessary to list an inventory of the bikes they actually have in the showroom on their websites. Instead, let's just show you all the bikes honda makes, along with a stock photo of each. I mean, it's not like anyone's interesting in seeing the bikes we have in the showroom before they waste their time and drive out just to get an idea of what payments would be and what they can afford.

 

Reaper you motorcycle rants are HILARIOUS lol

 

- going into a bank with gear on. Do you asshats really think I'm robbing you? I am wearing something that stands out, and makes all eyes appear on me. Like I'm going to do something that stupid in this ****. And where am I going to put the money? Not like I have but 1 pocket. I might get a grand in there. Instead, look at the douchebag wearing pants 5x too big for him. He's probably got an arsenal in there, and can easily hide a small cow!

-Going to a motorcycle shop for a simple part, and having to argue with the asshat behind the counter. Its a damn shifter with a small bend ad the bottom. Why the HELL are you trying to sell me a shifter with NO bend? IT WONT WORK!.

 

one time few years ago i locked my keys in my car and was using a coat hanger to pop the lock. a guy comes up and says oh did you lock your keys in your car? i said hell no i just washed it now im hanging it out to dry.

 

Hahahaha. That's a good one.

 

One I almost forgot

- Getting pulled over on your bike because the cop behind you thought he saw your gun.
Cop saw my gun, let the car whom cut me off go, and pulled me over. I had to get on the ground and all that bull**** just to end up showing him my license. What an asshat. =/ All he could see was a SMALL side profile of the thing. There was no way he actually saw enough. Mist have had some eagle eyes.

 

-When you're framing out a window while building a garage, and you feel a sharp ***** in your left hand immediately after shooting a pnuematic nailgun. Then you instinctively look at your hand and there's about a half inch of a framing nail sticking out of the space between your ring finger and thumb, with the rest of that little sh*t-clown buried in your hand, spanning over half the f*cking width of your palm. And framing nails ain't no joke, either. Go ahead, look them sh*ts up on google. You use a 16d nail for residential framing. Those a**f*ckers are 3 and a half inches long. I had 3 inches of that little sh*teater stuck in my hand. What sucks worse is pulling the nail out and going back to work because I'm a f*cking bada** like that and I don't have time for ***** sh*t like whining that my hand hurts. Or I'm just too stupid to realize that, holy f*ck, I just shot myself with a nailgun. Maybe it would be a good idea to go to the hospital. What's amazing is my left hand wasn't even on the window jack I was framing. The nail had hit a knot on the edge of the 2x4 and shot out of the corner of the board, straight into my hand. Which was about a foot away from the 2x4 I was nailing at the time.

-When you lose the nail that was actually part of your body for about 15 seconds. I still don't know where it went, but I kept it for a good year after I pulled it out of my hand.

-That moment when you realize sh*t's about to hit the fan. You know what I'm talking about. You're not even f*cking worried about what's about to happen. Pure and utter acceptance that you're about to get anally raped by the situation, and it's not even going to give you the courtesy of using lube. That moment where your only thoughts are along the lines of "Jesus titty-f*cking Christ, this is going to f*cking suck worse than Carlos Mencia's jokes," or "F*ck Goddammit." You're coming around a turn on a bike and you realize you're not going to make the turn (going wide into a ditch f*cking sucks, by the way). You come over the crest of a hill on a back road at 70mph only to see that there's a dip in the road followed by a sharp-a** turn (civics can do weight transfer drifts like no other, by the way. Also, it's hard to counter-steer when your girlfriend is screaming like a banshee and has a death-grip on your right arm). You're skateboarding and you do fs180 over a rail, land on the tail, start to lose your balance, and wake up laying next to the rail with your head bleeding like it's going out of style (though the resulting vertigo attacks are kind of cool... and the blood trail down the side of my head, neck, chest, back, and arm was pretty sweet, too). You're just minding your own d*mned business and all the sudden God punches you in the face with the holy fist of "sh*t this sucks". Yeah, f*ck that noise.