visitation and feuneral
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HCF Member
Joined: Mar 2005
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visitation and feuneral
well...im sure you all caught that thread i had about kristina. well...the visitation was tonight. my girlfriend and i went together and i got to talk to a lot of people about it...most of whom wont talk about it in school. they had a movie of pictures and everything going in one room...then in another room they had a bunch of posters of picthres. then in the biggest room they had flowers all over a shelf on one of the walls, more posters and pictures...and of course...the casket
it was an open casket visitation...so i got to say goodbye to her one last time. it was eerie...ive been going to feunerals for a while now...but this one was so different. usually...you think you see the person in the casket's chest moving slightly and every once in a while you think you see their eyes twitching. but not this time. she was just lying there...peaceful...no movement. it was the first time i ever saw her without a smile on her face. and when she was alive...her skin always used to have this glow to it...she seemed to give off light. tonight was the first time she didnt have that too. it was so odd. normally...my mind makes me think these people are still alive. but not this time. she was dead. she was just lying there...and it finally hit me that shes gone...that im never...ever going to see her again...
at 7:30 they allowed people to speak for her...her entire family was obviously on medication because none of them cried at all when they gave their speeches. her mom gave this huge long speach...in which she said that they went through all her diaries and blogs and everything...and revield that when she was in the fifth grade she swore to herself that she would be beauitul, have a perfect smile, perfect teeth, be tall and skinny, have thin thighs, perfect grades, and have a boyfriend by the time she was sixteen. her sixteenth birthday is the day after christmas. she included in her suicide note the date she wrote it, where the diary was hidden, and a note saying she felt like the only one of those thigns she ever accomplished was that she had a 4.0 average. her mom also said that she had been writing in her journal about suicide as far back as january. i was friends with her in january...i could have helped...
the feuneral is tomorrow at 10:30. its at a church thats also a private school...its kinda weird...i went to that school for a while.
im skipping all day to go to the feuneral then be with friends. we might not even have school tomorrow though cuz its been snowing like CRAZY for the last few hours. we left for the feuneral home at 7:00 and there wasnt any snow in the driveway. we got back at 9 and there was at least 8 or 9 inches. when i dropped my girlfriend off i had to shuffle a pathway to the door cuz she was wearing open toed dress shoes. but even if there is school...im not going tomorrow
its weird...in my english class...i have the coolest teacher ever. ms. nott. shes a huge liberal and is huge into writing. she has one of the easiest classes and makes it fun too. every day for the first five or ten minutes of class, one person from one table (each table gets one week, five people are at a table) picks music to listen to for the day. we listen to the music and while we're doing it, we write in our journals. she gives us a suggestive topic, but we can write about whatever we want to that day. the topic she gave today was 'if you could go back in time, where would you go?'
i bet you can all guess where id go. back two or three weeks, and if i couldnt save her...at least get a chance to say goodbye one last time....
it was an open casket visitation...so i got to say goodbye to her one last time. it was eerie...ive been going to feunerals for a while now...but this one was so different. usually...you think you see the person in the casket's chest moving slightly and every once in a while you think you see their eyes twitching. but not this time. she was just lying there...peaceful...no movement. it was the first time i ever saw her without a smile on her face. and when she was alive...her skin always used to have this glow to it...she seemed to give off light. tonight was the first time she didnt have that too. it was so odd. normally...my mind makes me think these people are still alive. but not this time. she was dead. she was just lying there...and it finally hit me that shes gone...that im never...ever going to see her again...
at 7:30 they allowed people to speak for her...her entire family was obviously on medication because none of them cried at all when they gave their speeches. her mom gave this huge long speach...in which she said that they went through all her diaries and blogs and everything...and revield that when she was in the fifth grade she swore to herself that she would be beauitul, have a perfect smile, perfect teeth, be tall and skinny, have thin thighs, perfect grades, and have a boyfriend by the time she was sixteen. her sixteenth birthday is the day after christmas. she included in her suicide note the date she wrote it, where the diary was hidden, and a note saying she felt like the only one of those thigns she ever accomplished was that she had a 4.0 average. her mom also said that she had been writing in her journal about suicide as far back as january. i was friends with her in january...i could have helped...
the feuneral is tomorrow at 10:30. its at a church thats also a private school...its kinda weird...i went to that school for a while.
im skipping all day to go to the feuneral then be with friends. we might not even have school tomorrow though cuz its been snowing like CRAZY for the last few hours. we left for the feuneral home at 7:00 and there wasnt any snow in the driveway. we got back at 9 and there was at least 8 or 9 inches. when i dropped my girlfriend off i had to shuffle a pathway to the door cuz she was wearing open toed dress shoes. but even if there is school...im not going tomorrow
its weird...in my english class...i have the coolest teacher ever. ms. nott. shes a huge liberal and is huge into writing. she has one of the easiest classes and makes it fun too. every day for the first five or ten minutes of class, one person from one table (each table gets one week, five people are at a table) picks music to listen to for the day. we listen to the music and while we're doing it, we write in our journals. she gives us a suggestive topic, but we can write about whatever we want to that day. the topic she gave today was 'if you could go back in time, where would you go?'
i bet you can all guess where id go. back two or three weeks, and if i couldnt save her...at least get a chance to say goodbye one last time....
HCF Member
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 10,485
From: Cornwall, PEI.
RE: visitation and feuneral
jeeze Nail I can't even imagine how you can be feeling, that must have been the hardest thing to do so far for you. I just hope you never have to go through anything like this again, and that goes for everyone here too. when it comes to things like this i am not very good it, but my deepest sympathies go out to you, your friends, and family as well. and even if you were able to go back a few weeks no one will ever know if you would have been able to save her or not. so do yourself a favor and don't drive yourself crazy thinking about what could have been done, cause that will be the hardest part of it all... once again i am sorry for your loss
Recognized HCF Member
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 6,629
From: Loveland CO
RE: visitation and feuneral
she look and seemed like a very pretty girl from what you said, but dont let it get you down man, time heals pain, i have been in this same situation and time heals it, just dont forget her that is the worst thing you could do at this time
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 621
From:
RE: visitation and feuneral
Nail, please dont drive yourself crazy with What-if's. No matter what you "could have done", it probably couldnt erase all the pain she was going through. When someone does this, its usually something deep seeded and would take a very long time and a very strong person to recover. Please just know that she is in peace now, and can be happy and perfect like she wanted to be. Although it seemed as though she was pretty beautiful and everything she said she wanted to be, she just didnt see it. Im very sorry for your loss, and I wish I could do something to ease your pain. Its not easy when anyone passes, and when it was something so unexpected its sometimes even harder. Remember, time heals all wounds, and things will get easier for you, your girlfriend, and your friends. If you need to talk, you know that every person here loves you and will always be there for you.
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Joined: Mar 2005
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RE: visitation and feuneral
thanks guys. really.
well as i said...the feuneral was yesterday. everyone was crying of course...but it wasnt the choking, coughing, hacking, sputtering coughing thats been going on for the past week. it was the peaceful...freeflowing 'everythings ok now' kind of crys.
i really appriciate everyones support through all of this. thank you all so very much.
well as i said...the feuneral was yesterday. everyone was crying of course...but it wasnt the choking, coughing, hacking, sputtering coughing thats been going on for the past week. it was the peaceful...freeflowing 'everythings ok now' kind of crys.
i really appriciate everyones support through all of this. thank you all so very much.
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