it looks like the person that had the car before me hit a wet median strip and got a little paint on the body. how in the hell do i get that off without damagind my original paint?

 

Salive and the exact texture of a human tounge.

No but really... bug and tar remover. While you're at it, do the whole car... scrub it down good then rinse it GOOD to get it all off, wash it with regular soap, then apply a new coat of wax as the bug and tar remover also removes wax. It'll look damn sexy afterwards, all the little blemishes will be gone.